Unsent Letters by Heather Mark

Dear [Name Redacted],

Who the hell do you think you are? Your job posting on Problogger.net throws mud in the face of every self respecting freelance writer on the face of planet Earth. I thought I was pretty well suited to your job listing and I was eager to apply until I came to this line:

My name is [Name Redacted]. Find my email and email me.

We are writing professionals, [Name Redacted]. Do you really think we have time to scuttle all over the internet to find your stupid e mail address? Is it really such a privilege to write for the illustrious [Name Redacted] that you’ll pay us a whopping $20 per post? You pissed me off enough not to want to look for your e mail address but to find out who you think you are. A quick Google search for “[Name Redacted]” told me all I needed to know–you’re a stuck up, barely 21 year old wannabe internet sensation. You think you’re the bee’s knees because you’re big on StumbleUpon.

Reality check, [Name Redacted], no self respecting freelancer is going to “find your e mail”. We have better paying, more reputable publications to write for than your dumbass website that doesn’t even exist yet. Good luck finding your perfect candidates.

Truly enraged,

Heather Mark