Unsent Letters by Heather Mark

Dear Bosley Medical Group,

Do you want to know what’s funny? Your commercials. Every time your ads for magical hair tonic air (or whatever hair replacement you’re peddling) I crack up laughing.

You know that first guy in the ad? The one who is talking about how great your products and services are? You remember how he said he was tired of people looking at his bald head before looking at his face?

Hah!

That’s what I say. It’s irony, poetic justice for all those years he spent looking at women’s boobs while he was talking to them. Do you think he ever noticed that the boobs weren’t talking back? I doubt it. But now that the tables are turned he’s all, “Talk to my face, bitches!”

What a loser. He deserves to be bald.

Cheers,

Heather Mark

Dear Dr. Marc Weissbluth,

Your book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” was recommended to me by a coworker. I was so excited to work your plan when my baby was born, I really thought it would make my baby into a boy wonder. I found that the more I read and the older my baby got, the more turned off I was by your method. I shelved the book for a while and waited until just the other day to go back to it.

My baby is now five months old. While I’m still not willing to let him cry in his crib for a full hour when he doesn’t want to sleep, your sleep cycle graphic has done wonders for me. As soon as I put him on the sleep schedule you recommended, and let him cry when he wakes up at 2 or 3 am, his whole demeanor changed. I never imagined that he was waking up for any other reason besides being hungry. You put it all in perspective for me when you said it wasn’t fair to get him out of bed and force him to eat when he wasn’t hungry. That is something I never would have imagined on my own.

Thank you so much, Dr. Weissbluth. I hope we will continue to have successful nights (and naps!)

Best to you,

Heather Mark

Dear Cheru Jackson,

I first learned of your website AlphaInventions.com when I saw an incoming link on one of my blogs. Curious to know who you were, I clicked on it and was immediately confused. I watched dozens of blogs cycle through a rotation on your AlphaInventions.com website and read your miles and miles of blog but I still didn’t understand what you were trying to accomplish.

Sometimes, you just have to experience something to truly understand it. So I plugged the URL of one of my blogs into the AlphaInventions “Notify People About My Blog” field and within an hour I had 150 hits. Concerned that it was some kind of scam or link farm, I started reading around.

What I learned is that you, Cheru Jackson, have created an ingenious way for bloggers to read and comment on blogs we may never have known about before. By listing my blog on AlphaInventions.com I have received hundreds of hits.

I now understand that AlphaInventions works like a string of toppling dominoes. I enter my URL, then I’m taken to a link for the blog I bumped out of the rotation. I read, leave comments, and that’s it. It’s a feel-good method of blog networking.

Thank you so much, Cheru. Your hard work has definitely made this blogger a believer in your mission.

All the best in the new year,

Heather Mark