Unsent Letters by Heather Mark

Dear Senator McCain,

Since I’m sure you are a devout follower - dare I suggest even a subscriber - of my blog, you are familiar with my love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. This is an issue I think you ought to consider in the final days of the presidential campaign.

You see, Senator, as I was making my runs to Target and Office Depot yesterday, I got snarled up in some traffic on East Colonial. The road has been under construction for some time and traffic is always dreadful, but yesterday it was magically awful. (Have you noticed, Senator, that everything in Orlando is “magical”?)

As I left Target bound for the Depot, my son started to cry. Boy was he hungry! I couldn’t skip out on my Office Depot run to go straight home so I had to pull over into a parking lot to feed him. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal but in bumper-to-bumper traffic my only option was to listen to him scream.

Have you ever been in a car with a screaming infant, Senator? It’s kind of like driving with Nancy Pelosi in the back seat, it’s that upsetting. It took me a good ten minutes to merge into the construction traffic and find the nearest parking lot to do the deed.

After spending quality time next to the dumpster at Artesian Pools, I attempted to reenter the traffic. Not a quarter mile away I saw your buses, your entourage, and all your Joe the Plumber photo ops. You had descended upon the Mi Viaje restaurant.

Sir, do you think your staff could have found a better place to have lunch? Couldn’t you Straight Talk yourself Expressly down to the resorts or something? I mean, there are lots of immigrant owned restaurants with Spanish names in Orlando. And why is it you guys always go to the immigrant owned businesses? Is Joe the Plumber just to vanilla for you? Well, that’s a letter for another day. Just because you wanted some tacos my poor son couldn’t eat. Now that’s just wrong.

I hope your tacos didn’t give you gas. Best of luck in the election.

Yours truly,
Heather

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